my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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