And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
