Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
