What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
