I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
