i think my tv is drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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