the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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