I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
