Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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