my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
