I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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