Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize