Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
