So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
