Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
