the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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