I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
