I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
