I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
