Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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