You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
cat food counts as protein by the way
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize