The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
