I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
