Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
