you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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