I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
