I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
