I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize