so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
