so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
