addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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