I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize