There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
my liver is dry heaving
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
