have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
