this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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