I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
