my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
