my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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