listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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