John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
