the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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