I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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