You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
