dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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