I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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