oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
