with your own penis?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
