you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
