Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize