Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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