Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
