Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
