They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
