I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
