after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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