These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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