As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
