I hate all girls vehemently.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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