What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
