im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
