I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
