No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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