he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
A+ Viking dick
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
