So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
