He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
