Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
