6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
