Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
