She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
