Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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