Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
