i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
