I feel great
I just peed on a car
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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