so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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