You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
