He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Drake has all the answers
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
