thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
