The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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