You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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