STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
