her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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