we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
