we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
