I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
