He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Small penises have feelings too.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
organizing the empties. That sober.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
