dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why do cheetos always look like penises
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
