hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
