well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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