Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
