I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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