I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
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