you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
