and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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