My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
