hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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