I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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