Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
