The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
