Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
