He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
