'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
