As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
