My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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