Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
