After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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