You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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