This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
